Kazmierczack (excerpt)

[Kazmierczack, handyman for this tenement building, comes to fix the stove in a tenant’s apartment in the afternoon. He knocks on the imaginary door. No one answers. He sees a familiar face down the hall and waves.]

Anya! Yakshemash! Viglondash bardzo wadnye gishe. …Dopshe, dopshe.

[She leaves. He tries the door again.]

Halo! Is Kazmierczack! ..Halo. Kazmierczack. …Halo eh, You something broke? Something you break? Something you always never very good? Ah! Kazmierczack, Rama-me, coming you fix. Ah, I fix. Thank You.

[He enters the apt.] What you break? Sink good, no good? Ah, good. I no fix. …Ah? Cook? Never coming hahh? Only bad? Never this ahh? I look. Maybe you many cook …Ah, is no good. I fix. You many cook? Many cook you? You Chodak cook? Chodak. Eh..chodak..dook dook dook. Ah, Chicken. Never chicken cook? Ah. Is good. You bread cook? Bread? Ah, is good. America, bread, good. Never bad dollar money bread. Ah, America-dollar, My Poland-zwodzhe. Dollar, zwodzhe is all mm, eh. You wish pay money bread this one Key Food. You maybe, Halo-can I please one bread? This Thank You Very Key Food Bread You. My Poland you wish pay money bread, never good dollar. My Poland you wish pay money this, automobile, good dollar, you wish pay money bread, bad dollar, is no good. …You look? [He motions to the steel putty in his hand.] After take ten, eleven minute put ahh, after make aghh! Is go aghh, metal, pa! Is good. …You work? What you work? …Teacher? Oh, I know teacher..this..small people. You teacher good money? ..Bad. My wife teacher, this small people. My Poland, teacher good money. America teacher no money. Is no good. Never money teacher, all small people is go ahhh! Is bad. …You cat? Cat. Eh, cat ..meow.. Ah, cat. Kazmierczack never look you cat. Only look you cat…box. Cat go ahhh. Ah. …Two cat? Oh, bad. My wife cat. One, small. Maybe, one week, after Kazmierczack finish this work, me go this home, for small ten eleven minute sleep me. This shoe go ahh for ah. Cat, one, small, my wife, coming this-ehha. Only maybe this one week, cat only always never very good. This one week, cat every ahhhh. Only ahh. Ah, throw! Throw! This cat is throw, my shoe. After Kazmierczack finish this sleep. Me, go this- ah. Look shoe. Ey, cat! Why you throw this my shoe? Cat look me, Ahh Never this shoe throw nothing me you this. Is no good. …Ok, I fix. Ah, maybe you stop fifteen sixteen minute for hwooh. After come metal. Ok I fix. You this bread cook, you this Chodak cook. Ah, Chicken cook. Ok… Thank You. Dozobachenia. [He exits.]